Serene 2020 Hindsight:
"I can't believe Nirvana came in fifth place in Rolling Stone's "Worst Bands of the 90s readers' poll. Where the fuck is Candebox? And P@rn (pronounced pattern), the grunge band I made up for 24 Original's Happening Now. Not sure why I decided to make my grunge track an anthem about being cheap but there you go. Andy Samford, who I met doing the RPM Challenge that year, played the two solos, emailing these passes to me. His directive for the first one was to be a proficient guitar solo while the second one had to sound like the doors wee falling off the airplane. Please listen to the very end so you'll hear the test of the Emergency Broadcasting System."

The Saga of P@rn
How many times have you watched VH1’s Where Are they Now or Behind the Music and heard a formerly popular hair farmer band member decry, “Things were going great- till that Nirvana came along and chased us off the radio”? Jack Prisston, lead guitarist of Satyrn, is one such disgruntled curmudgeon. But he didn’t waste time grumbling. He simply stopped using conditioner, traded in his spandex for flannel and formed P@RN, a band whose first order of business was to record this grungy rocker about a guy with a good work ethic who became even thriftier since his high consumption girlfriend left.

In those pre-internet days it was possible to fool some of the kids some of the time. If slackers didn’t pay attention to the pro-work force lyrics, the mere turning up at a P@RN show made it abundantly clear that this geezerfest was not your little brother’s grunge. The phrase “Wait? Aren’t you the guys from Satyrn?” was usually followed by “Hey! This dude’s got hair plugs” and that was followed by a refund-demanding rush at the box office. Prisston maintains that “P@RN was way ahead of its time, at least by a few months. Unfortunately we were also way misunderstood, especially by you guys in the press. And by the way, the band’s name’s pronounced “pat-tern” not “porn,” dipshit!”